So yesterday...Christine began telling me how much she is going to miss me when I go back to the states. "Becky I'm going to miss you. Don't go." We had just stepped out of the gate and were going to buy some obumpwanchi pwanchi...lol....SNACKS! ;-) and....my eyes started to water... (it's not really cultural to cry or show a lot of emotion in public here...oh yeah right I'm really good at that) ...and I just melted right there in the middle of our little dirt road with all kinds of people around us. I turned around and took a few steps towards back home...when I heard a tiny voice from behind me say, "Auntie Becky, bye". Instead of saying hi here, people say bye. ;-)
So...then I really just began to crumble. We walked back to the gate, went inside, and I just sat down on the wall. and cried.
This is not easy. This is my home. These are my family. These are my kids. There are significant relationships and people I love here so much. People I want to spend my life with ...waste my life on. If anything, this is the part of the life I've chosen that I do not like. This is my home... Can you imagine having to leave your family for 4-6 months to go and work so that you can feed and educate them? I pray that the work and fundraising will go quickly this time so I can get back here ASAP!
True the responsibilities we've taken on here do not in anyway match up to our monthly support ...lol. BUT>>> there is such a thing as walking in faith. It really offends the western mindset...and sometimes people even get kinda offended with me. Telling me its not fair to the children or to their aunties and grandmas to promise them education without having the finances in your bank account. Well, if I lived that way, I'm pretty sure we'd never be able to help anyone. No, we seek first the Kingdom, we step out in faith first, and then our great big LOVING FATHER DADDY GOD who will not leave His children as orphans, runs to them. He comes through for us. He backs us up with His word. He backs us up with His provision, with His healing, with His awesome majestical LOVE. This Daddy we have, He is the Father, the Provider, to the Fatherless. That's me. That's these kids...so we have nothing and noone to fear. No recession. No war. No chaos. No weapon formed against us. Our Daddy loves us. He is with us and for us. He goes before us. We hold His hand. We trust Him. Cause He's just that good.... The first two months of this ministry I did not ask a single person for money. and sometimes crazy things would happen and right at the last minute...money would come through. to pay our staff, to feed our kids, to pay for our amazing home. Over the past two years, I've been learning...and God help me I'm still learning...that I am dependant on My God. No man. No church. No business. Nothing but Him.
So Father, we don't even have to ask because You are with us and You know all of our needs. But Please come and fill us up with Your love, Your provision, Your goodness! We hold your hand as we walk on water together side by side with You. We walk, we dance, we laugh, we jump on the water. With Faith, with Hope, with Love...with peace.
THANK YOU DADDY!!!!!!!! You never never fail us. because LOVE never fails.