It's been a while since I've posted on this blog. Ok its been a few years. I'm pressing in to writing out my encounters again. I'm so hungry, so desperate for the Presence of God, for encounters for my hungry and thirsty heart. I just need Him. He is my reason and my everything. He is my breath and my shalom. He is what I really crave and need. I'm so lost and empty and anxious without continual connection. I know I am always connected to His Presence to His heart, but I need face to face heart to heart experience of His love to get through these days of quarantine. On February 16th, I moved into a studio apartment and I am living alone for the first time in my life. Before I ever heard the name of coronavirus (a name I hate to say or even type)... I was complaining to God about my new living situation. Why am I living alone in this tiny little box? He said Rebecca I'm calling you to a season of fasting for 3 months. You will be with me in my Presence. It will be a time for just the two of us and you will get out of it what you put into it. It was actually comforting to know it wouldn't be a forever place and that it was intentional by the heart of God to call me into a place of hiddenness with Him. I told my leaders and friends about it and that I wouldn't be as available to hang out. I just didn't know it also applied to the rest of the world. Well here I am and it has been about a month of this quarantine business. I have gone through so many emotions and phases but ultimately I have been unwinding and unraveling. I was so wound up from a busy pace of ministry school...that it took me an entire month to reach the place I'm in now. Finally able to connect but only through radical intention.
Today I pressed in. Just laid on my little teal loveseat with my fluffy faux fur white pillow and put on Yaweh by the Riveras on repeat. Its still playing as I type actually. And I just ascended the way I always do. I saw myself fly up to the heavens and enter through the door. I moved through the atmosphere of heaven as if I were swimming which was unusual but I just always roll with what is happening and don't ask a ton of questions until after or if I feel the need to... I went straight to the Father in the throne room. I just wanted Him. Here I am I said somewhat ashamedly because I've been avoiding these places. The Father stood up and I just fell into His arms sobbing. I was releasing the tension and fear and pain I've been in due to the virus and the quarantine. I've been so on edge and worried about my mom and my grandma. I've been overly vigilant and hyper alert not sure what is happening in this crazy moment and season. Crying into His great big loving arms and into His kind Presence felt so good. I could go back even now. He just held me and spoke to me. Its okay He said. Its okay for you to be where you are. He often has more grace for me than I do for myself....but I just keep learning. A bench appeared and we sat down and I just started talking telling Him how Ive been feeling. A small pool of water opened up in the floor and I knew it was a portal. I wanted to go in but I asked Him to come with me. Stay with me Father. He held me and we went together. At first it appeared to be the stars and the cosmos but then it changed to a place I had been before in encounters a beautiful sunrise sky...or maybe its a sunset I'm not sure. But its so peaceful and beautiful and fluffy white clouds are all around. We were riding on the giant white dove of the Holy Spirit. Soaring peacefully through the sky. Sitting together on the back of Holy Spirit. Daddy God brought out tea and "crumpets". I laughed remembering my time in England when we had tea parties and pastries. They were strawberry and so sweet with fancy tea cups. We just sat there drinking tea. I smiled at how sweet He was. I enjoyed the pastries and tea. Ironically I was drinking tea in the natural realm at this time (well the cup was waiting for me) but I've been fasting sugar and wheat and sweets in general. He is funny. We talked a little more and then He said now I have the good stuff. He pulled out the chocolate dessert...a yummy rich cake that reminded me of tiramisu but more chocolatey. I laughed and giggled. He is so full of delight. We enjoyed together. Suddenly my heart left and I started to weep. I left the cakes and fell into His arms. Im so hungry for You I said...so desperate for Your Presence. I'm glad you're here He whispered.
A text message distracted me. I will throw my phone into the ocean. haha. (My silence button broke so if my phone is on it can't be silenced.)
It's a constant battle for me right now. I'm finally fasting social media. Trying to keep my eyes on the One I love. But my attention seems to be split. I know it is because of my "Guardians" a term we use in inner healing to refer to the parts of our soul that protect ourselves. Its understandable. A killer virus is on the loose that has stopped the entire world. I'm praying for God to continue to draw me in and that I will say yes to His invitations. They are so worth it and so beautiful. I'm sure I could have kept going in that encounter. I will go back later. I am supposed to be on a call for ministry rooms online with Bethel but I just want to stay in prayer and worship.
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