Enter in. My creative journey into the heavenliness, into the heart of Love, where intimacy with my King overflows in ministry, mercy, missions, miracles, music, and mysteries.

"For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." Romans 8:15

Saturday, July 18, 2015


We've all been there.  Those excruciating moments in life.  Those times when your thoughts and heart seem to be constantly racing.  It seems like you can't get the scenes and conversations out of your head.  You can't sleep or eat normally.  Those moments when you're not sure if you really can or want to ...go on.  Loss.  Disappointment.  Shock.  Abandonment.  Rejection.  Grief.  Those seasons where you just have to put one foot in front of the other and keep walking.  Keep breathing.  Keep living.  Feel what you feel and just keep going.  Keep pushing through.  Keep reminding yourself that this too shall pass.

Sometimes its due to poor decisions but sometimes its just LIFE!  We take risks and sometimes we lose.  We have faith in something we think is secure and suddenly it gets ripped out from under us.  Whatever the case, its leads to the ultimate place of PAIN.

Pain is not a pretty place to be in.  Its hard.  Its...well painful.  The stages of grief are universal and the hardest part of the experience of humanity.

Its the choices we make though that matter.  In those dark pits of despair and pain, how do we cope and what or who do we choose to help us?

I'll never forget going taking an African mother to the hospital to collect the body of her 6 year old daughter who had just passed away.  We went to pray over the girl in hopes of resurrection but no change came of our prayers.  The mother walked out of the hospital towards the car with her hands raised high and tears pouring down her face singing a song to God that said "if you had not been with me, I never would have made it".  Watching her strength in that moment was one of the most incredible things I have ever witnessed in my life and I'll never forget it.

Ultimately you can't do it alone!  We all need God's help but still its up to you to face it and get THROUGH it.

My Dad says FEAR can be one of 2 things.  Face everything and RUN or Face everything and RECOVER!  The better choice is to face everything in life and if you get hurt along the way, you then have to choose to take the path of recovery.  Its much better than running, because if you run, you still have your fear and all your problems.   In other words its better to have loved (or truly lived) and lost than to never have loved (or lived) ...at all. Then you just recover from the loss.  Simple haha.  Life and love are full of risks and chances...but they are completely worth taking.

I personally do not know how anyone survives those painful moments in life without God though.  He is the only strength I have had to make it through those times.  He is truly the One I have had to lean on and you know what's great is that during my seasons of loss and grief,  my relationship and level of intimacy with Him always always increases.  It has to.  I am forced to lean into His heartbeat and tell Him everything and hear His words back to me.  His words literally become my daily bread that sustains me to take another step.  Another step across the bridge towards recovery and towards the place of returned joy, peace, hope, and light.

I have recently been facing a painful place in my life but God is helping me walk through it in a graceful dance.  Although the dance is sometimes pretty scary, messy, and even ugly.  Still Im dancing with the Lover of my Soul through the fire and that's pretty spectacular.

In a way the place I have been in has felt like exercising and growing a spiritual muscle.  Gathering a resilience that is enabling me to say I know I can face anything life throws at me and recover from it because of my God. Due to my early childhood experience of abandonment, I have always struggled with a fear of abandonment and rejection from friends and relationships and everyone really (except maybe my mom).  Im learning though that I don't actually have to be afraid of this!  Because even if this fear comes true, I can face it and survive it and overcome it with God's help and grace.  I can ...face it and recover.  Not being afraid of it and knowing this truth allows me to open my heart and take chances knowing that no matter what ....I will survive it and I will recover.  That's really powerful.

The place of building a spiritual muscle though can be tough but like an athlete we keep pressing through with our eyes on the prize.  I feel kind of like a gladiator lately who is walking through the fire and not running back and not flinching but pressing and pushing through knowing on the other side he is coming out gold.  In these moments, God often exposes our hearts as well.  We get purified and refined with the fire... which is a really good thing.

I encourage you if you are in the place called PAIN....to reach up to heaven and to face it and recover.   Find an OUTLET and do whatever it takes.  Don't stuff it down because it will come out one way or another!!  If you're compelled to do something as long as it doesn't hurt you or anyone else, then do it.  Scream it out, cry, imagine whoever hurt you (including God) and tell them everything you feel, pummel the pillow, go for a long run, throw things out, go for a long drive, go out into the forest or alone in your car and scream at the top of your lungs, draw our the memories, journal, punch a punching bag, go to counseling every day or every week or whatever you need and DO WHATEVER IT TAKES to recover.  YOU WILL RECOVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

But whatever you do in these tender sacred exposed moments of life, don't turn to anything that will cause you or others harm and pain.  It can destroy your life and the lives of those you love.  Get some help before you do that!

Our God is so good.  He is with us through every up and every down.  He never leaves us or forsakes us.  He is a faithful friend who sticks closer than a brother.  He is Our Maker, Savior, Lover, and Perfect Father.  Our present help in time of need.  Our Refuge.  Our Healer.  Our hiding place.  Our secret place.  Our strong tower.  Our Defender.  Our King.  Our Lord.  Our Shalom.  Our Joy.  Our Peace.  Our Love.  Our Hope.

He will see you through to cross the bridge of this season.  You will make it.  You will come out stronger.  You will come out gold...and you will live again and keep living.

Grace and peace to you on your journey towards healing and wholeheartedness.

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