I'm certain I could never be a monk or a nun or anyone that hides themselves away in seclusion in the name of "being with God" or being spiritual. I don't know about you but I find God in my encounters with His most precious creations. I find Him in people and our relationships. I feel God in the longing and attachments I have with those who are closest to my heart. I know He is real because of the love I feel for another. When I see Ronnie, who I found an hour away from death, and my heart breaks like a mother's heart and from that day on he becomes my own, there is something divine and holy in that. There is even something holy in the compassion I feel for my step father. Tonight I am thinking of him. His eyes have grown tired and I see him grappling for dear life...for hope. He is lonely. He suffered a nervous breakdown and a battle with cancer at the same time and nearly did not live through it all. But he did. He survived and he conquered it...the mental illness. the cancer. But he didn't conquer the divorce. My mother divorced him somewhere in the middle of all that. and all of our hearts were broken by that. So now he is still alive but alone. and my heart is hurting for him tonight. I hate alone ness. I hate loneliness. No matter how much we want it to be true that God is all we need... we need each other. We need companionship and love and intimacy with another human being. We were not created to live small isolated lives but lives of love hope compassion generosity service receiving love giving love. I just want to be near to him lately. To spend time with him. To bring joy to him. And of course I think of my own situation...living in another country... my heart strung out all over the world linked to hearts across the waters. I pray I'll never be alone really alone in all I do. I know I'm never alone. God is always with me. My best friend, lover of my soul... But I want to see a human smile sometimes and hold a human hand. I'm so thankful for my life. I'm so thankful for the role I get to play in the lives of precious children. Knowing you are making a difference in the life of someone is pretty priceless. Knowing that your life has purpose is a treasure I would never trade. I love traveling for the most part. I enjoy meeting new people in America as I share my stories and hope and pray that I inspire compassion and still I dread the constant motion as well. Suitcases and packed out cars and carrying boxes in and out of storage and up and down stairs... I know God has a plan in it all. I guess tonight I'm just reflecting. I sure am thankful for Jesus. I'd be a goner without Him. Really... I make so many mistakes even with Him in my life. Without Him...I don't even want to imagine. Thank You Lord for the gift of Your friendship and Presence and Your saving grace. You are So good and I know Your plan is to fulfill every desire of my heart. Help me Oh God to follow You, to listen and obey, and to be in Your perfect will.
The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.
"There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than there is for bread." Mother T.