Lately, my life has been hectic. I change houses and cars every 3 days or so. I don't have a steady job but I work full time as a housesitter/non profit founder...trust me the latter alone is a full time gig in itself...with a dash of babysitting and voice lessons for 1 on the side.
Lately I have been contemplating my current state of needs seeing as how I am homeless, carless (though not for long thanks to the kindness of a wealthy compassionate Christian couple), and more or less jobless unless you count about $100/wk as an actual form of income. Yes my friends this is what missionaries like to deem so poignantly as "walking in faith" to their prayer partners and friends. Don't get me wrong...it definitely is walking in faith and I have learned a tremendous amount about FAITH in the past two months of my life along with trust in an extravagant giving on time God.
Still during the past two months, there were many times when I thought...is it really worth it? Even times when I thought I've had enough and I'm quitting missions. Many times when folks promised to loan me their car and then fell through or made me late to work. Times...when I have had my belongings in four different places like right now...and trying to remember which place what thing is. TImes...when I've seriously planned out living in a tent on a friend's property and getting a Y membership to shower and primp. Times...when I've thought oh I don't have to pay all of the 5 grand I made in income during the 5 months I was in the US last year to the govt...maybe I could go to the dentist or actually get a proper eye prescription only to realize that I really can't. haha. Times...when I have felt like the biggest failure in life because I have been mooching off of people's houses, cars, and quite frankly their personal income. Sometimes people are very generous and offer to just take you in, but most of the time, you are required to do something in return such as cleaning a house or watching a dog or picking someone up from the airport...which believe me if that's all they ask and I get a roof over my head or a car to drive so that I can meet with someone to discuss fundraising with...I AM MORE THAN HAPPY TO DO IT. I can tell you though that I did all 3 of those things yesterday and had no time for anything else... It can really be exhausting. Nonetheless, I am SUPER thankful for the blessings that've been coming my way lately!
Then there is the question of should missionaries really expect the church to support them....what about when they come back to the states?
Well...the thing is this... In my experience, if you travel out of the country frequently it is nearly impossible to hold a regular full time job. What I have done to earn income during the past few years between my trips ranging anywhere from almost 2 months to 6 months, is work as a nanny caring for kids and part time teaching voice lessons. Speaking of...Im going over to Craigslist to repost about those lessons. BRB.
ok finished. Now where was I...oh yes ranting...
I have turned down countless amazing nanny jobs offering health insurance, paid vacation, and awesome hourly pay because...the families want a full year committment...which I can't offer because of traveling. I am an awesome nanny though!! haha!
The truth is...I love children! I want to take them all in and give them all they need. My mind races pretty much 24/7 with fundraising strategies and numbers and budgets and dreams...and that's okay because I believe that is part of it...though God continually asks me to rest and trust.
If God gave to every person who said they wanted to take in orphans and just plopped the money at their feet, their would be no journey, there would be no mountain to climb, so there would be no mountain top.
I do know this is only a season...or at least I sure as heck hope so... It is a very tough season of sacrifice. The toughest I've been in yet. Not knowing where I'm going to live 3 days from now (which I don't) could stress a person out...not knowing how in the world I'm going to get to the people who just asked me to babysit could also stress a person out...now knowing when I'll get to finally go to the dang dentist or the eye doctor...ahh...etc etc... BUT I believe its going to be worth it and I believe that change is going to come!
I believe that within the next 1 year of my life, there will be a movement of compassion that will cause people to give. They will give to help these children and empower me to do so.
They will give to see children formerly abducted by a rebel army come to know salvation and healing of their hearts. They will give to see Christine who watched her father murdered before her very eyes and was transported to become a domestic servant at age 13 to people who did not pay her or treat her well...go to school, get an education, receive hope and her dreams back and her life back. They will give to see I believe...thousands...of children taken off the streets ending the cycle of begging door to door every night or sleeping on pavement with no blankets...and be brought into safety, into homes with a Heavenly Father who knows them and loves them and loving individuals who will care for them. They will give so that someone will be able to sing a lullaby to the child that wakes up in the middle of the night frightened from nightmares of his former life to be held to be comforted to be loved. They will give because its a mandate of GOd Almighty to care for the orphans, and to help the widows. They will give...because the Spirit of the Living God resides in their hearts. They will give...to empower hundreds of people...to do the work.
Don't get me wrong though...I don't expect a blank check...I am working hard to build a business of beads that will generate income to support the work and myself in the process...but building a business requires time..and money...and usually a car...!
But thankfully a car is coming soon which I am very very grateful for.
Ahh well all of that to say .... ITS GONNA BE WORTH IT.
In the meantime, Im enjoying today...a VERY rare day off. I can't even remember my last true day off. Im dogsitting for a precious pooch in a beautiful home with a lovely jacuzzi tub. There ARE a few perks to my journey! ;-)